vicious cycle of tests

oh man, my life is nothing more than taking a bunch of tests from mon-fri. seriously, my student diary is filled up with all the tests. And I've already sort of given up on writing down my homework there, since it's impossible to complete them. gees. I must say I'm pretty much immuned to all the tests already, taking my own sweet time to study past midnight but i still get panic attacks occasionally.

i hate waking up to go to school. every morning, i'm filled with this dreadful feeling as I scrap myself off my bed. why did i wake up? (question posted by Adam Khoo Learning Technology) and i still can't figure out the answer yet. God, what's the purpose of me waking up? actually, i'd love waking up if i didn't need to go to school. No, i don't exactly hate school. But school's really quite boring. everything is so routined yet without a purpose. I love knowledge but not when it's being forced into my brain which is running out of memory space and low battery already.

at times i feel as though i'm driven by the people around me, by the environment rather than by my own will. Ok, i'm supposed to be driven by god's will, not that i really know what that is. bleah.

and i do wonder what would my life be like if i hadn't gone to youth service. I'd probably stop going adult service altogether. it was only a sms then. certainly an sms that made a difference in my life. i can't imagine what would life be like now if i didn't sms. well, probably i'd still survive since it's been like that for the past 16 years of my life. i'm sure there're plenty of opportunities in life to accept Christ. Just a matter of time and provided I don't die too early. but what's the significance of accepting early and late. i can't figure that out. just like 2 months. what could possible happen within 2 months? maybe i'll lose faith and hunger for god within this period of 60days since i'm just a new believer. when i first told my mom, i've decided to be a christian, I ask her to guess how long my faith will last... she say 3months. i ask my sis and she said 1-2yrs. gees, just shows how much faith they have in me. well, it's not like i have a lot of faith either. i can't even forsee myself going to church after O's